Children Tie A Mother’s Feet

Balance.
I am struggling with that right now.
Life is starting to change significantly.
And faster than I had originally anticipated.
The task before us seems monumental.
It is to help Bette to become a hearing, speaking person.
She will probably get an implant.
Not now, but soon.
Followed by years of speech therapy.
All of which will primarily be my responsibility.
Of course it is my responsibility.
I am her mother.
I do not dread it.
I do not feel cheated out of my freedom.
But I do feel a little whip lashed here at the beginning.
I am trying to count the costs as we begin this journey.
Because there will be costs involved.
Sacrifices will need to be made.
And many of those will be made by me.
I am trying to process that.
I am trying to take stock.
I am trying to be realistic about what I may need to give up.
Because more than anything, I want my girls to have what they need.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Spiritually.
And they need more now.
More time.
More energy.
More attention.
And more of me.
So there will be less time for other things.
Things that I like and enjoy and even love.
Things that are more for me and about me.
I need to count those costs now.
Because down the road, I do not want to resent my perceived lot in life.
I do not want there to be any seed of bitterness about how much I had to give.
And I never want my children feel that I had to give up things because of them.
Because I would give up everything for them.
And I will, if that is what they need.
I don’t think such drastic action is required just yet.
Still, I am preparing myself for what is coming.
And that is I will need to let go of some things.
And give up some desires.
And set aside some dreams.
Probably not for forever, but for now.
For this season of life.
Because God has called me to something different.
Something I never imagined or envisioned.
And that is to care for and teach a deaf child.
And to homeschool her older sister.
Amy Carmichael said it best.
Children tie a mother’s feet.
Mostly to home, I think.
Or to the other foot.
Which leads to a lot of stumbling.
I am going to stumble in all of this.
I am going to make mistakes.
I do not know how to manage it all.
I am not even exactly sure what lies ahead.
But I know Bette needs me.
And I know Lilla needs me.
God gave them to me.
And me to them.
And in the end, that is really all that matters.
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Comments

  1. I love that Bette's cheeks double in size when she smiles. She is adorable. Praying for you all.

  2. beautifully written, as always, taylor. and so true! i wrote about balance on my blog today, too. God is teaching a lot of us mothers out there about that, all in different ways. love you, girl! lora

  3. you are doing an awesome job sharing your heart about all that has been going on. i can't imagine how hard this all is, but your honesty and openness are amazing. love ya'll and we are praying!

    haynes

  4. micky land says:

    Hi, I know your dad and
    Rebecca from church. I am about your dad's age. When I was your age my best friend had the same thing happen to her as you have with little Bette. In fact this little girl didn't have enough hearing to have hearing aids. The parents decided to mainstream her. She went to Christ the King Elementary School, then on to Pace Academy and on to Emory University. She worked with what used to be called Anderson Consulting. Now she is about your age. She is married with two children of her own. Know that God will indeed bless you and your family with many blessings as He has my good friend. Anna "Micky" Land

  5. Carrie Neal Walden says:

    Love reading your posts, old friend. This one brought tears to my eyes. Thinking and praying for you all. Much love. CN

  6. Love you! So proud of you!

  7. Taylor, Tears came to my eyes after reading your recent blogs. I am thinking and praying for you and your sweet Bette. What a precious child with an amazingly strong mom. She will no doubt be successful in life… love, janie tobias

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