All of a sudden, there is a lot of coming and going. There is a lot of getting in and out of the car. There is a lot of packing and unpacking and repacking.
Bette has started school, but at odd hours. On both days, I race home after school so we can squeeze in a nap before it is time to pick Lilla up from her afternoon activity. Then, once we pick Lilla up, we are usually off to the YMCA, because I am not about to miss out on free childcare.
And whenever I am at home, there is so much that needs to be done. Laundry needs to be folded. Clothes need to ironed. Dishes need to be loaded. Rooms need to be cleaned. Stuff needs to be organized.
I strategize how I can get at least one task done. How can I get all this laundry folded in the next 35 minutes? Can I get the dishes unloaded, loaded, and dinner started in the next 25 minutes, before it is time to leave again?
I usually conclude there is no way I can get it done. Not right then at least. Which may or may not be true.
Because all I really want to do is sit down; sit down, think, and pray.
This last season of life has been a struggle. A year ago, we were in a deep valley and I cried into my ice cream bowl every day. I was heartbroken and scared and there was so much pain I could hardly breathe. But even in the pain, I felt the Lord’s presence. I felt His peace and comfort and I knew He was there.
And now a year later, I think we have finally made it through that valley. We are finished with surgeries and testing. We are finished with programming and problem-solving. We have a plan for Bette and we are moving forward, together as a family.
But in the quiet moments, I recognize I have not quite made it out of the valley yet. I am not crying into my ice cream bowl any more, but I don’t feel like I am back to my normal self either. Things inside me aren’t quite settled yet. And it feels like there are loose ends that need to be tied up. I just don’t know what they are, much less how to tie them off.
So I try to sit and think about where I am and what is going on inside me. I try to think and pray about where God is leading me and what He is trying to teach me.
Some days is it such an effort, because I am praying about the same things I prayed about yesterday, last week, and last month. And I don’t know when the answers will come.
But I do know God is there, and that He is working in me. I know He is writing a story with my life, and this season is part of that story. This season of gathering the strands into a whole thread to see what God is doing in my life. This season of fitting the pieces together in order to make sense of all that has happened.
This season of wondering, waiting, and praying is part of His story for my life, and He is working it for good. And in His perfect timing, He will lead me through it and beyond.