Chicken wire and cursing like a sailor

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I was standing in the kitchen waiting for my brownies to finish baking. I had one hand on the handle of the oven and one hand in an oven mitt. I was waiting and thinking – about something I couldn’t make sense of and that was pissing me off. And I was getting myself all worked up, and my panties completely in a wad, until I said to myself with all the self-created drama I could muster, “I mean, what the f#*k?”

And my next thought was, “You know, that should probably bother me more than it does.” Thatbeing my tendency to curse – when I get tired or frustrated or impatient – like the saltiest sailor or the most battle hardened soldier.

We have been building a pen for the ducks. I helped Jay with parts of it, like hammering and putting the chicken wire around it. At first, it was easy. But then I got tired. And the wire wouldn’t cooperate. And it kept getting stuck. And I couldn’t hang it straight to save my life. And then I stapled it up all crooked. And it simply wouldn’t work right.

I swore and cursed and cursed and swore under my breath the entire time, until I finally just gave up and told Jay the chicken wire had beaten me and I was done, dammit!

Later, I read this quote by Oswald Chambers, which has really gotten me thinking:

“Have you made the following decision about sin-that it must be completely killed it you? It takes a long time to come to the point of making this complete and effective decision about sin. It is however the greatest moment in your life once you decide that sin must die in you-not simply be restrained, suppressed, or counteracted, but crucified-just as Jesus Christ died for the sin of the world. Have you entered into the glorious privilege of being so crucified with Christ, until all that remains in your flesh and blood is His life?”

An Easter surprise and a tradition continued

When I was a girl, Easter was a holiday full of traditions for my family. We always went to church to celebrate our Risen Savior. Afterward, we joined up with family for a special lunch, where there was always one of my grandmother’s famous cakes. Everyone wore their Sunday best, the girls were decked out in Laura Ashley, and there were lots and lots of white shoes.

And then there were the baby ducks – the baby ducks that for a few Easters in a row, somewhere in the middle of my formative years, my mother gave to my brother and I for Easter.

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This is what I remember about our Easter ducks:

1) Being surprised with a baby duck was the most fun thing ever in my young girl’s eyes. My best Easter memories include little, yellow ducks running wild through the grass of our front yard, squealing their heads off.

2) Sadly, the ducks often did not survive very long. My mother’s idea of a duck pen was to stick some crappy kind of 12 inch high fencing – the kind you see around garden beds – in a corner of our yard and hope for the best when it came to predators. Unfortunately, the predators usually won. In the mornings, we would go outside to check on the ducks and it was a common occurrence for one to have disappeared in the night. Poor little ducks.

3) But the ducks that did survive, and we did have some of those too, were set free in a pond near our house. That was always the fun culmination, climax, and finale of our annual duck-keeping experiment.

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For years, I have been waiting, pining, and biding my time until I could give my kids ducks for Easter. I was ready to start years ago, when Lilla was a baby, but Jay wisely recommended we wait. So, I waited. And waited and waited and waited and thought only a few dozen times For God’s sake, when are we ever going to get the ducks?

Until it was finally clear a few months ago that this was the year to get the ducks. We felt both girls were old enough to handle them, love them, and even help care for them; as opposed to them stepping on them, crushing them, or squeezing them to death, which would be no good. Obviously. We don’t want any squished or squashed ducks around here.

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The ducks did not arrive until late Easter afternoon. To build anticipation throughout the day, Jay told Lilla a surprise was coming, and that it started with a “D.” She guessed every possible answer she could think up, until he finally said her surprise was, “D for dad. You get me for Easter! Isn’t that awesome?”

She did not find that quite as humorous as he did.

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But when the ducks did finally arrive, the girls were beside themselves. We immediately set them loose in the yard, and discovered that they huddle together at all times, only travel in a pack, and will even eat out of our hands. The girls followed them around, sat and watched them, and smiled for the entire rest of the day.

Lilla also came up with their names – Teeny, Big, Butter, and Bob.

Yep, that’s right. I have a duck named Bob at my house.

Happy Easter friends!

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The Not So Domestic Goddess: Our Valentine’s Day

I woke up on Valentine’s Day to find Lilla dressed and ready to celebrate. She was out of her pajamas and in her Valentine’s Day dress, ready for the festivities to begin.

The only problem was that we didn’t have a lot of festivities planned. But since she was clearly in the mood to celebrate, and because I sometimes feel guilty about the fun things she is missing because she is not in school, we packed up and went to the Y, our home away from home. I figured that in an effort to entertain all the ankle biters the child care workers would probably be doing fun Valentine’s stuff in the nursery, and I was right. Whew.

There were hearts and glitter and stickers galore at the Y, which was good thing because I was worn out from making crafts the night before with Lilla and did not think I could take any more. We made bookmarks for Jay – something useful as well as sweet – because he is always falling asleep reading and losing his place in his book and then complaining about it the next day.

We actually had quite a fun time making crafts together, because I didn’t bother with documenting our creations and posting the pictures there was no pressure associated with them. We also did not have to go to Michael’s to buy anything, which I think could  be one of the circles of hell when you have little kids with you. Instead, we used used some crap I already had on hand – decorative paper, ribbon, craft scissors – and the bookmarks turned out really well.

I did throw a little tea party after nap time for the girls. I pulled out my red dishes that I always use all the time and surrounded their plate with all the Valentine’s stuff they have sweetly received from others. The menu was uncooked s’mores, because that is all I had that was yummy and fun, and hot chocolate.

I gave the girls tin boxes with two new barrets in them which they really liked. And we sat together in the kitchen, drank our hot chocolate, overloaded on sugar, and had a marvelous time.

 

No Longer Hanging On By A Thread

Things are going better around here.
At least, I am doing better.
A week or two ago, I was hanging on by a thread.
Frayed would be the best word to describe it.
 
We had been on the go a lot.
And out of town.
And not prioritizing one on one time.
Especially with Lilla.
 
We were having lots of family time.
And lots of togetherness.
But that doesn’t always cut it.
Particularly with a four year old.
 
They need one on one time.
They need their love tanks filled.
They need to talk.
Which is really a beautiful thing.
 
But we hadn’t been doing much of that.
And had some unpleasant results.
Like a few epic meltdowns.
And whining like you have never heard.
 
It was terrible.
But things are better now.
We have been home more.
Just being together.
 
Lilla also got reacquainted with the time out chair.
And standing in the corner.
And losing privileges.
Which helped tone down those whines.
 
What we would do without the time out chair?
 
I am feeling more balanced now.
It took awhile for my house to catch up.
But that is just the way it was.
I did not have a handle on things.
 
My family understood.
Though it is embarrassing.
When your kid tells you the news.
That she has no clean underwear to wear.
 
I didn’t believe her.
I said, Yes there is!
No, there really wasn’t.
Not a single pair.
 
For myself, I probably could have found an extra pair somewhere.
There is always that one pair of granny panties.
You have but never wear.
Hidden in the dark in the back of your drawer.
 
But it is hard to do that with kids.
It is impossible to improvise.
When there is no clean underwear.
Because they only wear one kind.
 
I have finally gotten a handle on it.
All the laundry is clean and folded.
And in drawers.
I had to fold about eight loads.
 
I also changed out all the girl’s clothes.
From winter to summer.
So, everything is in order.
Which helps things run much smoother.
 
I am learning (again).
That if I take the time.
To keep things in good order.
Life is much easier.
 
There is less searching.
And fussing.
And rushing.
Particularly when we need to leave the house.
 
If things have a place.
And the kids and I take the time.
To put things in their place.
Life is a whole lot less frustrating.
 
And that is a wonderful thing.
 

Cussing About Nestle Toll House Cookies

The following is a perfect illustration of my life lately…

 
We hosted small group at our house last week.
I usually try to provide a dessert.
Lately, it has been ice cream.
Which everyone seems to be fine with.
 
But for this gathering, I wanted to bake.
I decided to do Nestle Toll House cookies.
Which are my favorite.
With their perfect taste combination of salty and sweet.
 
The recipe was for 5 dozen cookies.
And I wanted to cut it down.
I mean really, who needs 5 dozen cookies?
Not me and the other five adults gathered at my house.
 
But then I looked at the measurements.
And had no idea what half of 3/4 cup was.
I was way too tired to figure it out.
So 60 cookies it was.

 
I spooned out the batter.
Just like the directions say.
In heaping teaspoonfuls.
Whatever in the hell that means.
 
I am never quite sure.
Should I use a big spoon?
Or a small spoon?
And how much exactly is a heaping teaspoonful?
 
Couldn’t they be a little more specific?
Lilla watched while I spooned.
And asked for a taste.
No baby, this has raw egg in it.
But mama, I love raw egg. Really. I do.
 
Nice try, my girl.
I did not give in.
But she still managed to have at least four cookies right before bed.
So I am not sure if I came out ahead or behind on that one.
 
Before everyone arrived, I had a few minutes alone.
I was removing the cookies from the pans.
The quiet was so glorious.
That I forgot the pans were just out of the oven.
 
I grabbed one with my bare hand.
It was so effing hot I almost screamed F#&%.
Thankfully, I did not.
And thankfully, no kiddos were around.
 
Not the best way to start bible study.

But a pretty accurate picture of life.

 
I am trying to maintain normalcy.
By doing things like baking.
But I am way too tired.
For things like simple math.
 
I am trying to be consistent.
About healthy eating.
And sticking to the rules.
And no meaning no.
 
But I am also a bit absent minded these days.
I do things like pick up hot pans.
I also put regular detergent in our high efficiency front loader.
Which is a big no no.
 
And I set our house alarm off.
Because I left a door open.
Not just unlocked.
But actually wide open after we left the house.
 
One of these days, I will get it together.
And my head will be on straight again.
I am not sure when.
But it has to happen sooner or later.

Until then, I will juggle as best I can.
The swimming and gymnastics classes.
The doctor visits and speech therapy.
The insurance company and the county services.

For the Lord has given me a new set of burdens.
And He has ordained them for me to carry.
They will not be lifted any time soon.
But they are not mine to bear alone.

Because He is my constant companion.
I can roll my burdens back onto Him.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed by responsibility.
I can feel His presence and His peace.

Because He is gentle.
And He is humble in heart.
And His yoke is easy.
And His burdens are light.

(Matthew 11:28-30)