We had a couple of rough recovery days.
The days right after Bette’s surgery.
But now she is feeling much better.
And so are we.
Lilla was away for the weekend.
Which gave us.
Jay, Bette, and I.
The chance to rest and recover.
While Lilla was off having a ball.
We were sleeping.
And eating.
And chilling.
Except we made the decision.
To try and start the week off.
As ahead of the game as possible.
Instead of behind like usual.
So between periods of rest.
We tackled the dishes.
And the laundry.
And general housekeeping.
As the weekend crept by.
When Jay and I found ourselves alone.
Folding, washing, picking up.
The same questions would pop up.
What if?
What if the OR nurse hadn’t caught the mistake?
What if Bette had been operated on as a 55 pound child?
What would have happened?
Would my baby have died?
From too much Tylenol?
Too much anesthesia?
Days later, the questions still haunt me.
As a mother.
The thought of my children being harmed.
Or even losing one of them.
Scares me beyond reason.
My mother was terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
Of something happening.
To my brother or I.
If either of us had died.
Part of her would have died too.
And she would have never recovered.
Never.
But her mother, my grandmother.
She lost four children.
Two as babies and two as adults.
Which is such a heavy cross to bear.
A cross that few people nowadays.
With our medical care.
And long life expectancies.
Can even fathom or relate to.
My father always says.
The only thing worth hoping for.
In life as a parent.
Is that your children outlive you.
That despite whatever else happens.
Over the course of your long life.
That if your children outlive you.
You are indeed blessed beyond measure.
Jay has gone back to work.
It is just the girls and I again.
Together at home.
Intimately navigating through the day.
So when the haunting questions.
Start to creep again into my mind.
About what could have happened to my Bette.
I remember.
I remember that God is the God of all things.
That He is in control of my life.
And my children’s lives.
And that He holds them in the palm of His hands.
And I thank Him.
That He put that nurse there.
To see and catch the mistake.
About Bette’s weight.
I thank Him.
That He is not a God.
Who finds the details of my life.
To small to be bothered with.
I thank Him.
That He is a God.
Who hears prayer.
And answers prayer.
I thank Him.
For His infinite mercy.
For His overflowing goodness.
And for His amazing grace.
And I thank Him.
For the life of my child.
For protecting her.
And for keeping her safe.











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